My life has taught me one important lesson- I am never going to feel knackered in doing something or anything that I enjoy.Of course, my realisation is not a unique thought and is a universal truth in everyone’s life.
I am writing about those days when I always felt tired and having a break from my work. No matter how much sick leaves I took, my body and mind felt screaming at work.Morning alarms used to give me a headache. Even the weekends appeared to me like a time bomb which is going to explode on Monday mornings. In my head, I continuously panicked while counting the hours left in the weekend to be over. Naturally, I stopped living at the present and dreaded about everything possible that could go wrong in my deadlines, meetings with clients, team meetings and weekly managerial reviews. My work life balance went for a complete toss.
Ironically, my colleagues (who confronted more or less the same type of problems at work like me) seemed to be doing perfectly fine.They too felt sad when weekends were over and had Monday blues.Yet, they could smile, joke around in the middle of tight deadlines, plan office parties . I wished to be one of them.Somehow , I couldn’t feel to be a pert of that team and it didn’t go unnoticed to my manager. I got confused and was thinking if I should look for another job or simply quit and sit at home. Well, I opted for the easiest way out – resigning from the job.
After wasting five years of my short career span , I figured out that there was no problem with my job. It was me who needed to do some urgent introspection. And slowly I found an inner voice asking and answering me the below questions:
Q.1: What is your problem?
Ans: I have just quit my job and am clueless now what I should do next.
Q.2: Do you want to work at all in your life?
Ans: Yes , yes. I don’t want my husband to pay my bills.I want to be financially independent. At the same time, I want to relish the flavours of my family life as well.
Q.3: Well, in that case, your last job paid you well. Why did you quit?
Ans: Because I didn’t enjoy what I was doing. My life was like a living hell in between constant deadlines , client calls and unnecessary early morning or late night ’emergency’ team meetings.
Q.4: What do you enjoy the most then?
Ans: I just love to read books.Rest,I haven’t figured out yet.
Q.5: I suggest you find it out first before plunging into something more miserable. Is there anything which you have always wished to do in your unconscious mind?
Ans: Yeah 🙂 Sometimes, an abstract thought passes my mind. How nice it would be if there is a book with my name in ‘Written by’ section ! Silly me. I know.
Ans: Hello,are you listening to me ?
Q.7: (Again a big blank)
Ans: Are you there? You were supposed to help me in sorting things.
What did that mean? Didn’t I answer all questions correctly? Maybe, I answered the last question wrong. That’s why the voice was not asking me questions any more.It wanted me to rectify my last reply once more.Or maybe I have pointed out the right thing. Like always, I was puzzled.
Writing a book might be a distant dream at this point of time. But there is no doubt in the fact that writing a few lines gives me more pleasure and satisfaction in today’s date than solving some business problem for a client. It is quite possible that my assessment about ‘what I actually want to do in life’ is completely wrong (again) . Still, I can’t deny that I love blogging my thoughts and this is something which I never want to get tired of. At least, this doesn’t wipe out my smile and allows me to stay connected to my life with no more interruptions.
Hope I find the rest of the ‘right’ path to follow soon.