When I give myself a moment to think about few good qualities in me, then certain self-perceptions cross my mind. These qualities make me feel good as a human being.I realise that as a person, basically I :
- am humble and don’t let appreciation go to my head.
- carry on my work/duties in life successfully when allowed to do things in my own way.
- love to have fun in the company of my close friends and family members.
- don’t like the illogical rules made by the society, especially those which are specially customised for women.
- want to believe in the positive side of any individual.
- can achieve my goals based on undivided focus, dedication, hard work and perseverance (sounds cliche but true).
- dislike show-off
Now even after having all these finer human characteristics, I don’t feel proud of my behaviour and actions at times. Call it my lack of patience or a over-worked analytical mind, keeping a calm and aware state of mind becomes a matter of challenge to me sometimes. At the end of the day, this leads my mind to create confusion about my authenticity and dig areas of self-improvement. A rational thinking mind tells me either to take a strict charge of my emotions or just be my own self in particular circumstances :
Disciplined & well-behaved attitude all the time :
The eldest child of a family is taught to behave, act and speak properly always. He/she is given the responsibility to be an example for his/her siblings from a very small age. My childhood was also not any exception. Expectations to be in my best behaviour surely helped me to be an understanding and polite person. But, this has additionally made me an insecure and a confused individual. Till today, I feel like carrying an invisible burden of being responsible, talking sense and keeping a check on my moods constantly.
I can understand this has made an irreversible impact on my nature. Whenever I feel the burden of being in my ‘perfect’ behaviour too heavy to carry, I lighten it up by venting out my anger and frustration on somebody else. No need to mention that I regret over my rough attitude every time.I learn the lesson to be a little more sensible person in the hard way. I wish my parents taught me to just be myself without attempting to make me someone else’s illustration.
Worry a lot & feel pressurised easily:
Worrying about little stuffs in life have become my second nature. My plans to be well prepared for everything in advance makes me nothing but nervous about the future. As a result, I create some unnecessary pressure on myself. My entire focus then goes into coming out of that imaginative trouble and forget things that need my immediate attention at present. But no matter how much we try, we can’t turn situations or people to our side always. Working hard and living the present moment to the fullest are the only factors under our control. Rest we should leave to the Almighty. Acceptance of this simple fact will definitely make my life easier and feel more in touch of my own self someday.
Adjusting my priorities :
I have few dreams that I want to fulfil in my life. Each dream is well prioritised and has a position in my mind. Whenever I have given my full attention, dedication and hard work behind my goals, I have tasted success. But there is one problem. Apart from being someone with big dreams, I am a lazy person too and master the art of drifting apart from my focus sometimes. This happens when I allow some external elements to interrupt my concentration. It can be sitting in front of the television set, gluing my eyes in smart phones or playing online games in tablet for extending hours. Once they enter my work area , they don’t intend to leave my attention so easily. And I entertain them simply shifting my tasks to next hour or even next day. Minimising my time with gadgets and increasing my interaction with my goals is in the top priority agenda for me nowadays. Else achieving what I want with my hard work is going to be a difficult game for me.
Nonetheless, nobody is perfect in this world. Accepting this little truth will solve 90 % of problems in our lives. The sooner we accept it, the better our lives become. And we feel the best in our own skin.