I think I am quiet good when it comes in stepping into someone else’s shoes and try sensing his thoughts. A nature which I have inherited from my dear grandma and my father. This definitely helps me to show at least some amount of kindness to the opposite person. But my core essence of showering kindness and being sensible vanishes when I am at home with my husband.

Now don’t get me wrong.Yes, I am moody, bossy, short-tempered and sometimes a brooding wife to be with. Still, I am not a person with an ill-nature or evil intentions who tortures her husband (my husband is the best one to decide this though). It is my anxious and impatient nature that makes me a cranky woman at times. The virtues of kindness, sympathy and reasoning blow away out of my window in those hours.

So, what makes an otherwise understanding and sensible woman like me to behave in an immature and rude manner with her loving husband ?

Kindness hindrance 1 : Differences

There is hardly any couple in this planet who doesn’t have differences of opinion between them. I and my husband have plenty of them. In fact, the first year of our marriage went more in discovering the surprising contrasts in our apparently calm & composed characteristics rather than having candle light dinners. It could be him explaining my inability to dress up in a proper Indian attire for family gatherings, adjusting with my in-laws after marriage, prepare a nice & thick cup of tea as per his taste or me suggesting him the ways to become an ideal husband, read my mind and think what I feel like being in a new surrounding.

Sounds like the usual husband-wife fight, right? Indeed it is. But these dissimilarities found a place in our relation due to my nature of holding grudges to my heart. Whereas, my husband has the beautiful pattern of changing to a charming person he is , minutes after picking up a fight. But I let the hard feelings influence my thoughts and have an impact on my behaviour subsequently.When you are nurturing grievance inside yourself against someone, it is impossible to show kindness and affection to that person. The bitterness is bound to come out frequently.

Kindness hindrance 2 : Indisciplined style of living

My husband is the best one to demonstrate what an indisciplined lifestyle is. You will never see him declining to carbohydrates and sugary products. He doesn’t think once before having chocolates, ice-creams and junk food at any time of the day. His cravings for unhealthy snack crop up mostly at mid-nights. He is an atheist of the ‘early to bed and early to rise’ theory.

This becomes a bone of contention for both of us. It needs a lot of effort every time for an impatient woman like me to make him stay away from the unhealthy products.However, my efforts don’t experience the taste of success largely. Although, he is exercising seriously off late, but keeping a check on the diet is equally important. As a result, I end up presenting him harsh realities of life that come with a disorderly life. In course of doing that, I don’t mind using unkind words to him. His mother can never gift him those words even if he eats whatever he wants. This very thought itself makes me fill with regret for being so mean to him.

Kindness hindrance 3 : Unpunctual attitude

When I wake up in the morning, my first priority is to make breakfast and lunch ready for both of us in time. Having right kind of food in right time matters the most. My inclination towards punctuality is the most sensitive area in our marriage. Why wouldn’t it be? My husband is an easy going guy and I am always in hurry to finish the daily tasks within time. It creates friction between us, enough to light up a bulb. My husband tries to cool down the air by making jokes on my ideas of punctuality. Needless to say the jokes never help.I get more angry and display my rude side for not respecting my attempts to do everything in time.

You can see these 3 factors make difficult to show kindness to my husband. Still, I know they are not enough reasons to react and be unkind to the person who matters to you a lot in present date. Generally, women are the epitome of compassion. But I feel my husband is the one who shows kindness, endurance, love and empathy in our marriage. He is the one who is making this marriage work in spite of my irrational behaviour. He is having many shortcomings. Then who doesn’t have flaws? Am I a perfect human being? Certainly not. That doesn’t stop him from pampering me. Actually, I want to show that I love him and care about his health. It’s just that the words come out wrong. Let’s see when I can finally ignore the above 3 hindrances and make him understand this in a polite and loving manner.

Week 5 | Choosing Kindness