Marital rape : criminalising this act may destabilise the institution of marriage apart from being an easy tool for harassing the husbands
We were in the middle of our dinner when the above news flashed in the TV screen.
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For past few days, all news channels in India were busy in capturing the footage of violence that spread in Punjab and Haryana.
Reason?
A godman (out of so many in this country) named Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh Insan was convicted of raping his two women followers and subsequently sentenced for 20 years of imprisonment.
His devoted (and definitely blind I guess) followers couldn’t agree with this judgement. Killing innocent people and destroying properties in protest appeared much sensible to them rather showing sympathy and support towards the rape victims.
In the midst of all these chaos, when a less discussed topic ‘marital rape’ appeared in the TV screen, I was a bit surprised. Both me and my husband lifted our eyes from our dinner plates and paid some attention to the news.
The news reader read out this decision of the Central Government of India. The government conveyed this statement in it’s affidavit to the Delhi High Court. One gentleman mocked if women kept filing cases against marital rape, then 90% of the husbands in this country would be behind the bars.
The channel went one step further and showed an interview of a woman. She accused her husband of marital rape and was fighting against him in court since a long time.
It was a ‘blink and miss’ kind of news. Just like the Government, the news channel also didn’t bother much to waste time on this matter. It continued with the current hot topic- Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh Insan.
Honestly speaking, I salute this decision of the Central Government. I know, women reading this post at this moment will frown.
If filing cases solved a particular crime, then India would have been a crime-free nation long back. Indian constitution has many laws that state strict punishment for crimes such as- corruption, theft, murder, domestic violence, cyber crimes and last but not the least, rape (slightly touching marital rape too). Still, crimes happen in this country. Everyday news channels and newspapers report the same old crimes in a fresh package.
Does it make any sense to frame stringent laws for marital rape in such situation ? I think we should not stress much to put marital rape as a serious criminal offence in law books. That’s because, husbands aren’t completely guilty of marital rape.
Parents in our society, never educate a son about the ways that would make him a good husband in future. Having a male gender, good degree from school or college and handsome salary in job gives him the label of a good husband material.
He has always seen his mother playing the role of an obedient wife throughout her life. Naturally, he expects the same attitude from his wife. A daughter-in-law/wife in India should be an ideal blend of intelligence & beauty, with traditional values and most importantly an epitome of patience & endurance. No matter what she is going through in her life, mind, body and bedroom, she should always project a smiling face without any complaints. She is not supposed to elevate her voice in family against her husband for such ‘small’ issue.
Of course, a man too exercises patience and control by fulfilling the needs of his family.He does a great favour. In return of his generosity, his wife needs to satisfy his male ego and physical needs whenever he demands it. It’s an unspoken rule in a marriage.
Nobody cares that physical and emotional needs of a woman are slightly different from a man. Continual objection against sex from the woman makes her married life vulnerable. It’s a problem with deep roots in the society, which most of us deny to accept.
That’s why, marital rape has existed in this country since ages and will prevail in years to come. Then what is the use of framing another law to prevent marital rape?
And, do I achieve anything to blabber so much ? It will only prove that I am stupid and an unnecessarily emotional woman.
Hence, I thought I should continue with my dinner and follow the news of Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh Insan at that moment.
Lonely worrier has to always fight alone for rights…like the suffering the ..’No’ is also our very own.
I agree. Still women don’t sit with agony and pain. Husbands find them in the kitchen next morning preparing breakfast for the entire family.
True, so the change should start from us…from within…if we cannot change others, definitely we can change ourselves and fight for value of our ‘No’…
Definitely. And the first step towards the change will be educating our sons.
There should definitely be laws against marital rapes. Women all over the world are raped by their husbands. Is that correct?
Correct Catarina.But, no one cares at present. Husbands can’t be put behind the bars on account of marital rape in the current scenario. That’s the only reality.
Thank you for the shocking insight. I can’t imagine how many women and children are living in that sick and twisted patriarchy without the ability to leave. It just goes to show that as Americans we have a lot more to be grateful for than we will ever realize.
Laws or no laws, women who can stand up for any unjustice against them don’t suffer much in life. Those who can’t because of societal,emotional or financial pressure feel the heat. Even the most educated women will question herself twice before blaming her husband due to the values given to her during her upbringing. Things get complicated this way.
Thanks for stopping by Amanda !!!
Cent percent agree with your thoughts….but the fact is that …in arranged marriage….it all starts with the honeymoon…where the girl is just taught to surrender….many even seeing the person for the first time…more like sex with a stranger….is it not equivalent….?
Actually It depends on the partners involved in the marriage. Arranged marriages are existing in this country right from it’s inception. Even I too did an arranged marriage. If couples create a good rapport and respect each other’s feelings, then arranged marriage or love marriage- nothing really matters.
yes….but only after the gestation period is successfully completed….
The rates of rape within marriage is shocking. A woman should always have the right to say no. A woman is not a man’s possession; someone to use and abuse as he sees fit. Perhaps women are scared and confused so do not come forward. So much goes on behind closed doors……..
Yes Phoenicia, women are a bit confused when it comes to marital rape. There are lot of values that women receive right from their childhood. One of the value says – respect your husband and listen to his words.
It is this value which often creates a confusion and women think it’s her duty to satisfy her partner whenever he needs it.
The point is not what is happening but the point is how to change it for better.
If the woman is raped in her marriage to an extent that she wants to go to the court even with all the social stigma attached to it, I think she should have the right to do so.
Very few women show the courage to approach court for justice. I think court comes in much later stage. At first, husband and wife should have a basic level of understanding between them. Respect and patience towards each other is a major requirement to build a healthy marriage.
You are right. All I am saying is when they feel that the situation is unbearable, so much so that a woman needs to go to the court, she should have the option to do so.
This is indeed a complicated issue when you take cultural norms into account. I live in Canada and women are raised to believe and expect that when they say NO, it is NO–no matter who they say it to. Wives are not slaves and should not to forced to behave like concubines.
Exactly Doreen. This is what that is missing in Indian women. Since childhood, they are taught to behave properly, always exercise patience. Of course, these values are very much required in life.
But at the same time, young girls should also be educated that it’s not always right to simply endure. Self- respect is something that none should never compromise- not even if she is a woman.
Marital rape is one of those crimes that is shoved under the rug. Men feel it’s their right to rape their wives — after all, they’re married, right? But if a wife complains she is ignored, and, if you live in a country where women are considered inferior to men, then there is very little recourse.
You are absolutely right Jeanette. Ironically, most women in this country aren’t even aware that they should protest against such atrocities. They think it’s all right for husbands to behave in such a way.
So you see, women at first need to be educated about their rights before men.
Living in America, where the laws against marital rape were not nation wide until 1993, I have to say that I completely believe these laws are vital.
As Phoenicia, Doreen & Jeannette said, no is no–doesn’t matter where, when or to whom it is being said. If a woman says no, then it should be respected by a man. If it takes a law to make that happen, then so be it.
Rape as a weapon and power-play must be stopped.
I agree. Also men, from their childhood, need proper education to respect women. Only then, these type of crimes will stop in society.
important subject and good to start the conversation. Marital rape happens even in America where we’re supposed to have equality. Sickening how so much of the world treats women. I agree, the best way to change this situation is to raise the boys to respect women and the girls to respect themselves and to refuse to put up with ANY form of disrespect.
Yes. That was the pupose of my post.Finding out the root cause of this heinous crime can only omit it from the society. Although it looks lika a too good scenario to be true, but at least all of us can try a little in our own way.